about my own funeral! Which is scary and bizarre. It was also eye opening. I have already told my loved ones that I want to be an organ donor and do not wish to have a funeral. While I have been told many times that I am to young to worry about this, I am, in reality, less than a decade away from being the same age my dad was when he died. I have tried to be optimistic and regularly remind myself that I will be in my 80's before I die, but I still fear death. I guess, as this dream tells me, I fear more than just death.
In my dream my family is holding my funeral. I could see and hear everything that was being said and I wandered about for a few minutes before I noticed that my oldest son was talking about me. He was telling people that I was a dreamer. He smiled sadly and explained how I had always had big dreams but never managed to find time to achieve those dreams. I had never won the lottery, he laughed. I had never lost the weight that I was always saying I needed to lose. Most importantly I had never finished those stories I was always writing, so I never became the writer I dreamed of being. The look of sadness and disappointment on his face broke my heart.
I woke up in a cold sweat and thought about this awhile. Do I want my kids to look on me as a wasted life? Do I want to BE a wasted life?
Sure I have raised some pretty good kids, one in college one on his way to college and then the baby in elementary school. I enjoy my job, but who knows how long it will be here, the way the economy is at the moment. I am relatively happy, but am I "following my bliss"? What is my bliss? So I did a little self evaluation.
I am highly opinionated and love to "share" my many opinions. I love my family so much that the fear of not doing right by them sometimes makes me do nothing at all. I want to write amazing fiction stories, and share them with the world. I want to be famous, but not recognized. I want to travel all over the country while homeschooling the child and blog about it. I want to live a dream, a fantasy, MY reality.
So this blog is me finding a way to live my dream. It is my thoughts, my stories, my HOPE. My chance at not disappointing my children.My struggle to avoid that funeral
So does anyone out there want to sponsor a wanna be homeschooling momma as she travels around the country in an RV?
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